Purpose from Pain

Trials act as riverbanks which guide the powerful spirit that God has placed within us.  Without difficulties to test the prioritization of our lives, our efforts may leave us standing in the stagnant, lifeless waters of vain pursuits.  Instead we are gifted with circumstantial dams and riverbanks that limit our ability, yet strengthen Christ’s work in and through us.  For just as we harness power from an open dam; we are the most productive when harnessed by a loving God.

A dam without water released through it becomes stagnant, lifeless and contaminated; useless for work and destructive as it spills over into unwelcomed places.  A river poured through the presence of a dam becomes powerful and vital, bringing life and sustenance to those who welcome its efforts. So to, a soul confined by a trial can become stagnant and useless; yet a soul filled with Christ himself poured through the dam of a trial has great power and usefulness to bless others.  It has been in my own trials that Christ has proved himself strong when I was weak and in total control when my live was falling apart.  It was only after all the things in my life that I believed defined me and made me strong had  been atrophied from my life that I realized the true power and peace that God poured into and through me  in weakness.

Better than silver, better than gold, better than health, better than control, is being used by Christ to bring his glory to others despite my weakness and in some cases because of my weakness.  It has been during these times of trial that I finally understand why the apostle Paul would glory in his weaknesses. For it is often times when the world deems us useless for its purposes that we are the perfect candidates for usefulness in Christ and for Christ.  It is when I die to my own pursuits that I can live to fulfill the good deeds that Chris places before me each day of my life.  It is at this point that I can choose to faithfully trust that God has given me ALL that I need to pursue godliness.  Whether sick or healthy, brilliant or simple, fatigued or energized my God is on the throne directing my life’s purpose and giving me every ounce of physical, emotional and spiritual strength needed to complete HIS will for my life.  Daily, I need to use to the glory of God everything that he places in my hands and remain steadfast in thankfulness despite days of perceived insufficiency. If at times I am lacking in health or finances or energy then it is not a necessary tool to complete Gods will for that day. 

 Each day presents the choice to accept the entire will of God for our lives, both pleasant and difficult and allow him to produce good fruit during it all. Conversely, the other option is to choose to allow our lives to stagnate and become useless for glory behind the dam of a trial.  Trials will come.  Will they produce power or bitterness in your life?  The Lord has left the choice up to every believer to decide whether the trials that come will bless or brake, strengthen or shatter, define or destroy our lives purpose.

In Loving Memory of my Father in Law, Dale Senior.

SET FREE!

The waves of time have hit the shore;

Your time on Earth is no more.

Yet for you time still marches on;

You’ve been set free, your sins are gone!

You offered up a life of sinking sand;

Yet now on Christ the solid rock you stand.

In Heaven’s glory and Christ’s bright light;

Death is overcome and day is brought forth from night.

So until that day when we meet again;

We will praise God for forgiveness of sin.

Someday soon we will embrace you in Heaven;

And praise Christ together that the redeemed are forgiven!

Anxiety

Isaiah 26:3-4

“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.  Trust in the Lord for ever” for in the Lord Jehova is everlasting strength.”

In the past I have always treasured the idea of peace yet found it elusive in my own life.  I would cry out to God begging him to change my circumstances so that I could have peace.  Or I would deny my feelings of anxiety by overeating or over busying myself.  Either way left me feeling hopeless and stuck, as well as disappointed that I was anxious and depressed instead of at peace and full of joy.  I had read Gods word and knew that I should be experiencing such a life, yet deep down, I knew I wasn’t.

Through this verse in Isaiah 26 the Lord exposed my faulty thinking.  Anxiety is a choice!  An anxious thought can be captured and submitted to Christ, but an anxious attitude is chosen and acted upon.

Anxiety and peace are placed before us by the way of various circumstances.  In that moment we are tempted to walk in anxiety rather than the way of the Lord, which is peace.  Once I place my foot on the path of anxiety I am walking away from faith and have chosen to cultivate the works of my flesh as in Galatians 5. However when I trust in the Lord regardless of circumstance, when I praise, worship, seek and lay  before him all my heart, mind and soul, I slay the flesh and the spirit of God within me rises up to rule my reactions to circumstance.  The path of peace is the path of righteousness that when walked upon cultivates the fruits of the spirit. Love, joy, peace patience, goodness, gentleness, kindness and self-control.  The path of anxiety is the path of destruction when walked upon damages the power, love and sound mind that Christ has gifted us with and tempts us to justify numerous abominations before our Lord.  So the battle is not to change every seemingly negative situation in our life but rather to keep our mind on Christ and choose to follow his word no matter what our feelings or fears. 

Today as the Lord revealed the relevance of this verse to my life I feel as though I am finally free.  Freed to have peace that surpasses the limited understanding that I possess regarding my curcumstances.  Free to be patient in my affliction of poor health.  Free to love, cherish and bring up in the ways of the Lord,  my 8 year old son who has Down syndrome.  Free to be excited about the endless, messy, creative inventions that my six year old blesses our home with throughout the day.  Free to thank God for the long hours that my husband works.  Free to give my heart to my husband who has looming health challenges trusting that God holds time in his hands. Yes today I am free like never before.  I have truly lost my old life full of worry and lacking faith and choose to run in Christ’s strength from the temptation of anxiety.  Peace and grace be with me through our Lord Jesus Christ and peace and grace be to any who read this testimony and call upon our Lord Jesus Christ for the same freedom he has given me.

Provision

The time has come to finish packing all of my families belongings and say goodbye to all that I have known of life since birth.  I am leaving my hometown in just a few short days to be reunited with my husband who has found work four months ago in a different state.  My heart leaps for joy at the thought of this season of separation coming to an end.  However feelings of sadness also accompany my soul as I say farewell to dear friends, close family and a community of well known faces.  My weary soul has found its burdains lifted by Christ so many times during this trial.  I have felt the physical, emotional and spiritual fatigue of caring for two small boys alone. I have fallen asleep on a pillow dappened with my tears of frustration.  My body has ached for a hug from my husband. Discouragement has tried to make its home in my heart everytime I wasnt able to make things perfect.  Yet I thank the Lord Jesus Christ for this trial.  I am able to count it joy, because for every need my husband was unable to fill during his absence, Christ Jesus himself filled!  When my physical, emotional and spiritual cup were emptied Jesus filled it up under the faucet of prayer.  When I fell asleep in tears, I woke up in the Lords new mercies.  When I longed for the arms of my husband to wrap around me and bring comfort, the Lord wrapped his arms around my soul and brought a peace that surpassed understanding.  When I felt discouraged about a lack of perfection, Christ gave me strength to do my best and in his grace took care of the rest.  Yes it has been a joy to meet Jesus in a deeper more dependant way.  Im now a stronger person because of this trial and ready to serve him in more ways than ever before.  I have a much deeper appreciation for my husband and children and also for the body of Christ who God has aslo used as the visible deliverers of the unseen to my life.  There were times when I would say a silent prayer to the Lord that I just needed a break and a friend would ask if they could watch the boys for a bit while I went for a jog! And that is just a single example of Gods grace that shined so brightly during this seemingly dark time in my life.  So if you are going through a trial of any kind right now, choose to obey Christ, not emotions or the patterns of this world, and watch and see the Lord show up in your firey furnace and supply all of your needs!

Will We Fit?

In what seems like moments, my lifes memories will be nothing more than a reflection in my rearview mirror.  I will be leaving my hometown of 30 years and jumping states to a place I barely know.  Along for the ride will be my two precious sons, one six years old and the other eight.  Ready for the grand adventure, my two boys eagerly anticipate being reunited with their father who has been out of state working for several weeks.  I to cant wait to be scooped up into the arms of the man I have loved for over 12 years, and to live our lives as a family unit once more.

As I ponder our future home, anxiety arrises in my heart begging to be dealt with.  Will we fit somewhere?  For there are two facts about my family that are strikingly different than the status quo family picture.  First, my amazingly handsome, hardworking, respectable husband was shot in the head by a cold hearted criminal, and hit by a Harley causing a leg amputation a few years prior to our romance.  Second, our outragously funny, musically gifted, kick in the pants eight year old son was born with the diagnosis of Down Syndrome as well as a heart condition.  I love my famiy with all my heart!  God has opened my eyes to see the precous gift he created when he hand picked my family and unified us.  He planted us in a church that loves our precious son and respects the relationship with Christ that my husband has.  We have been blessed with friends old and new that have walked with our family through medical trauma's as well as the ups and downs of family life.  Our community has educational opportunities that have been a blessing to my son.  And yet there have been those who have fallen away from our life for a lack of understanding or an inability to see beyond the physical to the amazing character and ability that my family possesses in Christ Jesus. 

As I write, a thankfulness begins to rise up in my soul for my Lord Jesus Christ and his view of those that dont fit the pattern of this world.  Jesus always saw past appearance in a way that truly defies this worlds systems.  From the recovered prostitute, to the privately vile politician, from the valiantly healthy but rebelous, to the lepor or the blind man who sought after him with thier whole heart, Christ saw the intentions of those he ministered to and touched the humble in a special way. 

I am truly blessed and thankful for all those dear to my heart who have chosen to view my family through the eyes of Christ.  Who got to know my son who has Down Syndrome as a child and not a diagnosis.  Who patiently included him in the body of Christ, who endured the pain of hospital stays with us, who embraced my son in a rigorous christian education program and those who both gave and recieved the blessing of loyal friendship and sincere ministry from my amazing husband.

 So as I cast my anxiety upon the Lord it can not stand to haunt me any longer, for the same Christ who provided the life my family has known till now, will continue to do so in the vast extended family of Christ who reside in the place where our new adventure and mission resides.  Praise be to God for providing a place for us to "fit" no matter who or where we are!!!