The bitterly cold winter air
surrounded me as I loaded the back of our SUV with my families’ trinkets. We had been out visiting several hours past
our usual bedtime and it was now time to get our two precious sons home and
snuggled into their warm beds. Tired and
determined to make up for lost time, I focused on hurrying through the task at
hand when all of the sudden my 10 year old son burst open the front doors of
his great grandma’s house, raced down the steps of the front porch and jumped
into my arms in a full blown hug!
Startled, I braced myself to hold all 89 pounds of his trisomy 21 happiness. After kissing my cheek he grabbed my face
with both hands and shouted, “I love you too mommy! I love you TOO!” I was struck by the fact that I hadn’t just told
my son that I love him yet in his statement of love he used a response
phrase. My heart was warmed despite the
cold dark night as the Bible verse 1 John 4:19 “We love him [God] because he
first loved us.” came to mind and I realized that how my son just approached me
is how I should be approaching my father in heaven. As a redeemed child of the king, I should boldly
approach God’s face without hesitation, in response to His great love and with
complete faith in the strength of our relationship and God’s ability to hold me
when I jump fearlessly into his arms.
Flash forward to the warm days of
spring and the truth that the Lord spoke to me that cold winter night has
continued to be an echo in my head as I have continued on the path that God
himself has crafted and placed before me.
As it is in this life, everyday does not take me through rose gardens
and mountain tops but also valleys and difficult places. I am learning that God’s
word is perfectly designed for both. What I thought was a challenging trial
already with going back to part time work to help take care of our son’s
medical needs while continuing with the busy life of a homeschooling mom of two
sons and a wife to a husband with a busy insurance career suddenly proved
itself simple after a mid-February work accident complicated my life
further.
Injured on the job, I have been
left to heal from level two whip lash affecting my neck and back and navigate
the world of workers comp claims. To say
it has been a challenge would be an understatement yet the most challenging
factor in this circumstance has been my own heart. I have made a point in the past to preach
that God’s will, God’s way for God’s glory is the most important focus in life’s
journey, yet I have been living by the doctrine of productiveness. It wasn’t until I lost the ability to be physically
productive that I realized how much my goal was to produce for Christ rather
than to abide in Christ. As each layer
of responsibility has been added to my life, I have risen to the challenge to
accomplish the level of productiveness that I perceived God was presenting. Yet
when I have been asked to be fruitful without being physically productive, my
identity has been challenged. It has
made me realize that I have strayed from the truths taught in john 15:4 by
Jesus Christ himself, “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself,
except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.” During the
busyness of the trial I had begun relying on Christ less and less and
attempting to just keep pace with life.
Sadly I began feeling the effects of Galatians 6:4 “Christ has become of
no effect unto you, whosoever of you are justified by the law; ye are fallen from
grace.” The fruit that I have slowly
broken away to produce had been based on outward accomplishments, like the law
rather than the fruits of the spirit revealed to us in Galatians 5:22 “…love,
joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, [and]
temperance…” that are produced only by abiding in the love of God.
Six weeks in to my current
temporary physical limitations I found myself in a state of lost
perspective. I was slowly but surely
running low on love, joy and peace until I found myself in a puddle of tears running
to my Dad in heaven boldly in prayer seeking to touch his face and gain
perspective and strength. The next
morning by God’s divine providence it was Sunday morning. As is custom for our family we attended a
Sunday school class, a main service and an evening service at our local church. Each time God’s word was taught it was as if
each pastor had personally heard my prayer the night before. Each conversation I had with my church family
also left me in awe at the specific answers that God was bringing to me that
day. I have now made the decision to
step out of my puddle of tears throw open the doors of my heart, run directly
to God my father and jump into his arms with this present trial, trusting His
strength to carry me through what remains.
Grabbing his face with both hands I find myself crying, “I love you too
Abba, Father! I love you TOO!” The
choice to abide in God’s love has allowed me to trust what God is presently
doing in my life to produce His fruit, His way that will glorify HIM! There is no greater honor than to live a life
that glorifies God.
