Upside #2

Serious moments can bring laughter!

While playing with my two sons who were eight and ten at the time, my oldest son who has down syndrome looks at his brother and shouts “stop it Tinkerbelle!”  Just like any other family, my youngest was completely insulted and we had to have a serious conversation about the moral issue of name calling.  Unlike other families, I stepped out of the room and seriously gut laughed for a few minutes.  Later, after sharing this story with my husband we marveled at how clever his insult was!

 

 

The Upside of Down Syndrome

Even though our son has faced many challenges due to having down syndrome, there happen to be some benefits to having an extra 21st chromosome that allows you to see the world through different eyes. As a family we have been blessed as we choose to celebrate the lighter side of having a family member who has special needs.  With my son's permission I will begin sharing the "upside" of down syndrome through out this blog.

 

Proverbs 17:22  "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones."

 

UPSIDE # 1

• You never have to settle for a blasé wardrobe!
• I asked my eleven year old son to go get dressed for a pizza party we were attending.  With enthusiasm he exclaimed, “Sure mom!”.  Five minutes later he emerged from his bedroom proudly wearing this little number…

 

 

 

Blessed Mourning

Growing more ill each winter, my husband and I had no explanation for our son’s worsening respiratory symptoms. We had taken him to countless ER and Dr’s office visits that left us with more questions than answers. Why was he having so many recurring lung infections? Why did he have headaches most winter days? How were we going to keep him healthy enough to give him immune system suppressing meds for his arthritis? Why is our other son who is otherwise healthy now having daily headaches, nausea and nose bleeds? And why am I feeling nauseated and having daily headaches? As fall began turning to winter, the pieces of the puzzle began to come together. We found mold in the home we were renting. Too much mold to be repaired while we continued living there. Upon this discovery we were advised by doctors to move in order to improve our sons conditions. Knowing we had to move quickly we searched for another apartment immediately. We found one and put our thirty day notice in. Unfortunately, the next day the apartment deal fell through and our current landlord now wanted us out within the next 20 days to begin renovations and repairs. The pressure of life at that point was painful and as with every trial a choice was placed before me. To go to God with the pain and pressure or rebel and handle it on my own. I had two natural inclinations, neither godly. The first was to ignore the infection of fear and anxiety that were setting in by rebelling through overeating and just saying that I thought everything would work out ok. The second inclination was to embrace the fear and anxiety as truth and question God’s goodness. Praise be to God that option three was available! In Matthew 5:4 Jesus himself tells us,“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted”. The first thing that I did was cry, but not as someone who has no hope. I cried out to a loving God. I took captive the thoughts that God was unloving and made a decision to trust His word rather that what I could see and feel in that moment. Mourning before God is ok and a necessary step to receiving his comfort. However, we must be careful to not confuse mourning before God with complaining to God. Mourning before God is an honest sharing of your heart with a loving and sovereign God. It humbly seeks to find comfort in Christ. Complaining before God is a prideful act that demands answers that are devised of our own strength alone. When we mourn before God the comfort that follows is well received with a thankful, faithful heart. When we complain to God the only response we are ready to except is our way or the highway and even getting what we want makes us feel like we accomplished the solution on our own by demanding of God. My greatest challenge in times of trouble is not my present circumstance, but rather my own reckless heart that seeks to run from the pressure of trials rather than rejoice, grow and be comforted. Upon choosing to trust God rather than my emotions and lay my heart open before a loving God, the Lord proved himself faithful. Instantly I had precious friends interceding in prayer on our behalf for circumstances and peaceful hearts. Within ten days we had signed a lease to a beautiful allergen free home and within the next ten days that followed we were packed up and moved out. The Lord provided amazing friends that came to help pack, clean and move. Our prayers answered were carried out through the work of their hands. Presently I frustrate myself as I look back at just one time out of countless times that the Lord has proved himself faithful. As life carries on this side of heaven, there will always be trials to face, circumstances to overcome and attitudes to tame yet for some reason I find myself to be much like the disciple Peter. I step out of my comfy boat into a storm to follow Jesus. Stepping out in faith to answer his call. But somehow my focus becomes the storm rather than the savior and I sink deeper and deeper until I feel that I am drowning in a life that I seconds before was praising God for walking in victory over! Same storm, same savior, different perspective. Once I stop treading life's storms with faith I am in contradiction to Gods word and stop living a life God can bless until like a disobedient child the behavior is corrected before the blessing is bestowed. I stand before God today a humbled woman, thankful for the forgiveness and grace that he faithfully extends to those who love him. During a present storm of life's circumstances that are currently tossing my little boat of comfort around a reckless sea, I embraced fear and anxiety and the fruit that came of it was not pretty. I am saddened by what blessings and comfort I missed today as I chose to follow the waves of my emotions rather than to anchor my soul in Christ. Riding the waves I was injured emotionally and hurt those around me with my words and attitudes. I am reminded of Paul as he says in Romans 7:24 “Oh wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from the body of sin and death?” As my day unfolded, I was definitely not living out it’s intended outcome. I felt so helpless and hopeless by the end of riding my own emotionally turbulent boat ride! My life today was deeply lacking the fruits of the spirit shared in Galatians 5:22-23, “... love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, [and] temperance…” Thankfully,one amazing attribute of God is Grace. So even though I failed today to avoid the infection of fear and anxiety, I serve a loving God who forgives my sin and whose mercies are new each morning. I can choose any minute of any day as long as the Lord gives me breath to choose his will rather than mine. God will still give me a way through this present storm as I turn from my current rebellion and back to his loving arms. The beautiful thing will be the fruit and growth that is obtained during this time as long as I faithfully lay my heart before him, with mourning and rejoicing and choose to obey 1 Corinthians 10:5-6 which says, “Casting Down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.” It is out of my control to command the storm to be still, however I can command my soul to anchor in Christ. The time, duration and intensity of each of life's storms is in the hands of God, but I can choose to look to Him rather than the waves of circumstance that taunt me to fear. I can choose this very moment to turn my rebellious heart to him and receive the blessings of comfort and ministry that he can only share with a heart and mind that is abiding in him. Lord thank you for your grace and truth that sets us free and the mourning that leads to repentance and comfort regardless of life's current storm.

He Loved Me First

The bitterly cold winter air surrounded me as I loaded the back of our SUV with my families’ trinkets.  We had been out visiting several hours past our usual bedtime and it was now time to get our two precious sons home and snuggled into their warm beds.  Tired and determined to make up for lost time, I focused on hurrying through the task at hand when all of the sudden my 10 year old son burst open the front doors of his great grandma’s house, raced down the steps of the front porch and jumped into my arms in a full blown hug!  Startled, I braced myself to hold all 89 pounds of his trisomy 21 happiness.  After kissing my cheek he grabbed my face with both hands and shouted, “I love you too mommy! I love you TOO!”  I was struck by the fact that I hadn’t just told my son that I love him yet in his statement of love he used a response phrase.  My heart was warmed despite the cold dark night as the Bible verse 1 John 4:19 “We love him [God] because he first loved us.” came to mind and I realized that how my son just approached me is how I should be approaching my father in heaven.  As a redeemed child of the king, I should boldly approach God’s face without hesitation, in response to His great love and with complete faith in the strength of our relationship and God’s ability to hold me when I jump fearlessly into his arms.

Flash forward to the warm days of spring and the truth that the Lord spoke to me that cold winter night has continued to be an echo in my head as I have continued on the path that God himself has crafted and placed before me.  As it is in this life, everyday does not take me through rose gardens and mountain tops but also valleys and difficult places. I am learning that God’s word is perfectly designed for both. What I thought was a challenging trial already with going back to part time work to help take care of our son’s medical needs while continuing with the busy life of a homeschooling mom of two sons and a wife to a husband with a busy insurance career suddenly proved itself simple after a mid-February work accident complicated my life further.   

Injured on the job, I have been left to heal from level two whip lash affecting my neck and back and navigate the world of workers comp claims.  To say it has been a challenge would be an understatement yet the most challenging factor in this circumstance has been my own heart.  I have made a point in the past to preach that God’s will, God’s way for God’s glory is the most important focus in life’s journey, yet I have been living by the doctrine of productiveness.  It wasn’t until I lost the ability to be physically productive that I realized how much my goal was to produce for Christ rather than to abide in Christ.  As each layer of responsibility has been added to my life, I have risen to the challenge to accomplish the level of productiveness that I perceived God was presenting. Yet when I have been asked to be fruitful without being physically productive, my identity has been challenged.  It has made me realize that I have strayed from the truths taught in john 15:4 by Jesus Christ himself, “Abide in me, and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.” During the busyness of the trial I had begun relying on Christ less and less and attempting to just keep pace with life.  Sadly I began feeling the effects of Galatians 6:4 “Christ has become of no effect unto you, whosoever of you are justified by the law; ye are fallen from grace.”  The fruit that I have slowly broken away to produce had been based on outward accomplishments, like the law rather than the fruits of the spirit revealed to us in Galatians 5:22 “…love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, [and] temperance…” that are produced only by abiding in the love of God. 

Six weeks in to my current temporary physical limitations I found myself in a state of lost perspective.  I was slowly but surely running low on love, joy and peace until I found myself in a puddle of tears running to my Dad in heaven boldly in prayer seeking to touch his face and gain perspective and strength.  The next morning by God’s divine providence it was Sunday morning.  As is custom for our family we attended a Sunday school class, a main service and an evening service at our local church.  Each time God’s word was taught it was as if each pastor had personally heard my prayer the night before.  Each conversation I had with my church family also left me in awe at the specific answers that God was bringing to me that day.  I have now made the decision to step out of my puddle of tears throw open the doors of my heart, run directly to God my father and jump into his arms with this present trial, trusting His strength to carry me through what remains.  Grabbing his face with both hands I find myself crying, “I love you too Abba, Father! I love you TOO!”  The choice to abide in God’s love has allowed me to trust what God is presently doing in my life to produce His fruit, His way that will glorify HIM!  There is no greater honor than to live a life that glorifies God.

 

Profit vs. Poverty

Weary and heavy laden I sat down on my couch quite discouraged by what the week in front of me held.  I had a list that seemed a mile long of deadlines that needed met and medical appointments that I was afraid to attend. Not to mention a dreadful head cold.   The more that I rattled on the list to my husband, the more pressure I felt placed upon my shoulders with each word I spoke.  My lips were defeating me before I ever got up to run.  All of the sudden it occurred to me how much time I was wasting talking about what I had to get done, instead of just getting it done!  At that moment I stood up, excused myself from the conversation and got busy on my pile of necessary work.  As I rolled my sleeves up and began addressing one task at a time, I found myself gaining momentum, courage and strength.  Lightheartedness began to replace the heavy hopeless heart that had gravitated me to the couch earlier.  The same tasks before me remained, as did the same appointments and schedule.  In fact the head cold and fatigue remained as well.  God did not change my circumstance one bit, yet my soul found rest in the Lord by stepping out on the biblical principle taught to us in proverbs 14:23 “In all labor there is profit: but the talk of the lips tendeth only toward penury.”  Talking about all my roles and responsibilities was only causing poverty in my life.  I literally wasn’t using the time I had been given to complete the tasks of the day and I was causing poverty to my soul as I robbed it of victory and hope.  But as I quit talking and started laboring profit was brought as my list was shortened with each accomplished task. Order and clarity came as I worked and my heart profited from overcoming in Christ through faith in his word rather than how I felt.  Truly we can trust Jesus when he beckons us in Mathew 11:28-30 “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  As we come unto the Lord he will give us the wisdom to prioritize what truly needs done each day.  It may stretch us or feel like too much, but it never will be because God is good and faithful and will never give us more than we can handle as we depend on him.  “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth  me.” Philippians 4:13.  We can fully trust God without hesitation and welcome his yoke upon our lives.  As we learn his ways and walk in them by faith we will truly find rest for our souls.  What an amazing God whose word transcends time and circumstance to bring rest to the weary soul.  If you know Jesus Christ as your Lord and savior, turn to him now, except his yoke, learn his ways, know his heart and find rest for your weary soul.

A Special Dad for Special Needs

As the warm morning light peered into my window this morning, beckoning me to wake up, I opened my eyes to see my husband dressed for business.  His face determined yet tired he was quietly gathering his things to head out the door for another days work.  Although this may seem mundane and ordinary to some, I happen to know why this touched my heart and caused it to swell with a great appreciation and pride for my husband.  Our ten year old son who has Down syndrome has been chronically ill for the past year and a half.  We have been to many doctors, specialists and emergency departments over the preceding year.  Several times his white blood cell count has dropped to a dangerous low, making him vulnerable to sickness with concern that he won’t be able to recover from an ordinary illness.  During these times of neutropenia, he is unable to go into public places, including the grocery store, church or therapy offices.  Currently we are enduring just such a time as we hunker down at home and trust the Lord for time slots that will allow us to go out and buy groceries, run errands and join our church family for spiritual growth and fellowship.  To add to the pressure, experiencing a year and a half of extra medical expenses, therapies and a move to help our sons health issues, we have exhausted many of our resources and my husband and I decided that it would be best for me to go back to work for a season to help replenish some savings and press on in finding some answers to our sons chronic health issues.  With our son’s volatile health in mind, we thought it would be best to work opposite shifts, so that both our sons would either be with Dad or Mom especially since our ten year old has been ill more than he has been healthy this year.  This also allows me to keep my primary job of homeschooling our two sons, managing special health concerns, as well as striving to be the wife, mother and friend that God calls me to be.

Many times I have sat down in exhaustion and called out to the Lord for mercy and strength and even questioned if I could carry on with the demands.  God has always met me at the point of humility and need as I pray with thanksgiving and give my petitions to Him (Philippians 4:6)  One of the most valuable gifts that I receive continually from the Lord is "the peace that surpasses understanding”(Philippians 4:7).  There is so much strength in peace.  Peace without understanding allows the storm to rage all around, unpredictably grabbing and throwing everything around us, yet we can stand confidently in the eye of the storm knowing that the character of God is good and sovereign and there is nothing to fear when we have a reverent fear of God himself.  I don’t understand the storm that we are in with our son right now, but I know that I can have the peace given only from God himself until it passes.

This morning as my husband was carrying on, he was this strength and peace personified.  Never complaining about running to the grocery store on his lunch break or late at night working and teaching the Wednesday night Jr. High at our church (as he had last night), or working extra-long hours to pay for our sons medical needs in addition to everything else that a Dad and husband provides for, or his own physical limitations due to a gunshot to the head as a teen.  He just keeps running the race that is set before him with courage and patience and joy.  Never giving up, looking back or expecting anything less from himself but that which Gods word asks of him.   Just as we are taught to do in Hebrews 12:1 "... let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us..." 

As I looked up to see my husband persevering through another day, pressing on to provide for me and our family, I considered myself extremely blessed.  I have heard it said that 85% of marriages affected by disability end in divorce.  At times my husband and I have discussed this statistic and empathized with people who believed the lie that it would be better to go it alone with a special needs child. And were saddened by those who grew weary and gave up and left the other spouse to pick up the pieces.  There is a tremendous strain put on our marriage with the lack of time together, late nights caring for a sick child and added financial needs, yet our greatest pressure has turned out to be our greatest asset.  Just as a diamond is created by the great pressure of the earth applied to its back in the hand of God the creator; so to I am seeing a diamond of a marriage being created under the pressure of this trial in the hand of God our creator.  The thankfulness and appreciation that I have for my marriage, my husband, my children and the simple gifts of life such as laughter, a sunny day, running errands together, a trip to the movies or baking cookies and having hot cocoa together is a gift that was written on my heart during this trial.  I hope as you read this today, you will seek God as Philippians 4:4-8 (KJV) implores us to “Rejoice in the Lord always; and again I say, Rejoice.  Let your moderation be known unto all men.  The Lord is at hand.  Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.  And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.  Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest. Whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.  Those things which you have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.” Choose today to receive the peace that surpasses understanding that is promised to all who have received Jesus Christ as their Lord and savior given by the God of peace to enable you to stand strong and be content under the pressure of whatever trial you are in.  Don’t forget to choose to have eyes to see all the diamond like gifts around you from God himself that can warm your heart with thankfulness and appreciation and place a joyful smile upon your face.  Think on these things.  Enjoy these things.  And finally, continue to do what you have learned to do from Gods word in the midst of trials.  In the good times and the difficult it is God’s principles that help guide and protect us. In the very heart of life’s dizzying storms Jesus Christ himself is our anchor, direction and hope.  It is him whom we can steadfastly follow regardless of circumstance as we depend on him to meet all our needs in this life and the life to come.

Purpose from Pain

Trials act as riverbanks which guide the powerful spirit that God has placed within us.  Without difficulties to test the prioritization of our lives, our efforts may leave us standing in the stagnant, lifeless waters of vain pursuits.  Instead we are gifted with circumstantial dams and riverbanks that limit our ability, yet strengthen Christ’s work in and through us.  For just as we harness power from an open dam; we are the most productive when harnessed by a loving God.

A dam without water released through it becomes stagnant, lifeless and contaminated; useless for work and destructive as it spills over into unwelcomed places.  A river poured through the presence of a dam becomes powerful and vital, bringing life and sustenance to those who welcome its efforts. So to, a soul confined by a trial can become stagnant and useless; yet a soul filled with Christ himself poured through the dam of a trial has great power and usefulness to bless others.  It has been in my own trials that Christ has proved himself strong when I was weak and in total control when my live was falling apart.  It was only after all the things in my life that I believed defined me and made me strong had  been atrophied from my life that I realized the true power and peace that God poured into and through me  in weakness.

Better than silver, better than gold, better than health, better than control, is being used by Christ to bring his glory to others despite my weakness and in some cases because of my weakness.  It has been during these times of trial that I finally understand why the apostle Paul would glory in his weaknesses. For it is often times when the world deems us useless for its purposes that we are the perfect candidates for usefulness in Christ and for Christ.  It is when I die to my own pursuits that I can live to fulfill the good deeds that Chris places before me each day of my life.  It is at this point that I can choose to faithfully trust that God has given me ALL that I need to pursue godliness.  Whether sick or healthy, brilliant or simple, fatigued or energized my God is on the throne directing my life’s purpose and giving me every ounce of physical, emotional and spiritual strength needed to complete HIS will for my life.  Daily, I need to use to the glory of God everything that he places in my hands and remain steadfast in thankfulness despite days of perceived insufficiency. If at times I am lacking in health or finances or energy then it is not a necessary tool to complete Gods will for that day. 

 Each day presents the choice to accept the entire will of God for our lives, both pleasant and difficult and allow him to produce good fruit during it all. Conversely, the other option is to choose to allow our lives to stagnate and become useless for glory behind the dam of a trial.  Trials will come.  Will they produce power or bitterness in your life?  The Lord has left the choice up to every believer to decide whether the trials that come will bless or brake, strengthen or shatter, define or destroy our lives purpose.